What I know about foreign policy
As an introduction to this essay, let me say that the two things that will trouble you about my opinion in this matter are, well, not important.
The first thing you're going to be concerned about here is whether I have the credentials to offer an opinion on foreign policy. Let me assure you that I am, without doubt, the last person on earth whose opinion should carry any weight as regards the dealings of the US government with any foreign governments.
Another thing that is bound to come up is-- why should you listen to me? Well, you're here, I'm here, and I've never just rudely shot you down just because you didn't know what you were talking about, have I? If I have, then I am heartily sorry for that, in a really sorry I brought it up so you could remind me of it kinda way.
Now that the prelims are out of the way, we both know that US foreign policy is a mess. Name me a nation who is not having some sort of trouble with somebody. We've made every bone-headed newbie error you can imagine, from propping up dictators to arming the insurrectionists who later started shooting at us. We've bet on the wrong horse, meddled in local elections, sent in military advisors, and left our friends to get their butts kicked.
Who would trust a country like that, huh? Why would anyone take money, weapons, or advice from a nation so two-faced and self-interested that they would hire thugs like Manuel Noriega, the Shah of Iran, and Saddam Hussein to keep things in order, then bust them down when they got too big for their pants?
The answer is the same as why thieves go to the best part of town to steal a car or rob somebody. It's because that's where the money is. Actually, thieves seem to work the lower middle part of town, where there are not so many alarms, but I'll ignore that because it doesn't support my point very well.
We're taking a lot of flak these days because we expect people the world over to do things our way. Hey, it's not everybody that we're trying to dictate to, just the ones who are taking our foreign aid money, or are engaged in really lopsided trade deals with us, or owe us a lot of money because they took out loans they haven't repaid, or whatever.
Does our money mean that we get to call the shots? Well, no, but it should. C'mon, why can't we be like the rich SOB that makes all the trouble in the movies? You know the guy, he's got so much money that he could spend his days in a leisurely way, but he doesn't. No, because there are these other people that he must torment. They may be poor, they may be middle-class, but it is his business in the story to be the bastard, and bedevil their existence until they have to do something about him. We could be like that guy, except that we leave the little guys alone, pretty much.
Or, we could send a couple of Marine divisions out to break some legs. Just for the heck of it.
Wait, we're already doing that.
So, while I started out to answer a question, I find myself asking one now. If we are half as bad as everybody says, (and by everybody, I mean American cultural elitists and foreign crybabies) why are they having anything to do with us at all? I mean, it's a big sandbox, why don't they all go to the other corner and take their toys with them?
Two good reasons why they don't take all their toys and play somewhere else? One, There isn't anywhere else; and two, all the neat toys belong to us. Does this mean we have to listen to their whining while we act in our own self-interest? Well, we kinda have to hear it, but nobody says we have to pay any attention to it.
Back to the sandbox for a minute, we're the rich kid with all the neat toys, but we're also the teacher. At least, we get the call every time somebody needs a spanking here.
So, maybe we can do what teachers have done for centuries. Just make it to work every morning, remember we've got tenure, and tune out the noise.
The first thing you're going to be concerned about here is whether I have the credentials to offer an opinion on foreign policy. Let me assure you that I am, without doubt, the last person on earth whose opinion should carry any weight as regards the dealings of the US government with any foreign governments.
Another thing that is bound to come up is-- why should you listen to me? Well, you're here, I'm here, and I've never just rudely shot you down just because you didn't know what you were talking about, have I? If I have, then I am heartily sorry for that, in a really sorry I brought it up so you could remind me of it kinda way.
Now that the prelims are out of the way, we both know that US foreign policy is a mess. Name me a nation who is not having some sort of trouble with somebody. We've made every bone-headed newbie error you can imagine, from propping up dictators to arming the insurrectionists who later started shooting at us. We've bet on the wrong horse, meddled in local elections, sent in military advisors, and left our friends to get their butts kicked.
Who would trust a country like that, huh? Why would anyone take money, weapons, or advice from a nation so two-faced and self-interested that they would hire thugs like Manuel Noriega, the Shah of Iran, and Saddam Hussein to keep things in order, then bust them down when they got too big for their pants?
The answer is the same as why thieves go to the best part of town to steal a car or rob somebody. It's because that's where the money is. Actually, thieves seem to work the lower middle part of town, where there are not so many alarms, but I'll ignore that because it doesn't support my point very well.
We're taking a lot of flak these days because we expect people the world over to do things our way. Hey, it's not everybody that we're trying to dictate to, just the ones who are taking our foreign aid money, or are engaged in really lopsided trade deals with us, or owe us a lot of money because they took out loans they haven't repaid, or whatever.
Does our money mean that we get to call the shots? Well, no, but it should. C'mon, why can't we be like the rich SOB that makes all the trouble in the movies? You know the guy, he's got so much money that he could spend his days in a leisurely way, but he doesn't. No, because there are these other people that he must torment. They may be poor, they may be middle-class, but it is his business in the story to be the bastard, and bedevil their existence until they have to do something about him. We could be like that guy, except that we leave the little guys alone, pretty much.
Or, we could send a couple of Marine divisions out to break some legs. Just for the heck of it.
Wait, we're already doing that.
So, while I started out to answer a question, I find myself asking one now. If we are half as bad as everybody says, (and by everybody, I mean American cultural elitists and foreign crybabies) why are they having anything to do with us at all? I mean, it's a big sandbox, why don't they all go to the other corner and take their toys with them?
Two good reasons why they don't take all their toys and play somewhere else? One, There isn't anywhere else; and two, all the neat toys belong to us. Does this mean we have to listen to their whining while we act in our own self-interest? Well, we kinda have to hear it, but nobody says we have to pay any attention to it.
Back to the sandbox for a minute, we're the rich kid with all the neat toys, but we're also the teacher. At least, we get the call every time somebody needs a spanking here.
So, maybe we can do what teachers have done for centuries. Just make it to work every morning, remember we've got tenure, and tune out the noise.
posted by joe at 5:36 PM
0 comments
